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[Oct. 3rd, 2009|12:53 am] |
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Today.. Steamed asparagus and brocoli. Chai masala brand that i mixed with water, i'm hoping that didn't have calories.. Two nectarines. And a handful of chocolate crackers and white cheddar popcorn - all together not two seperate handfuls that are from a local food store. Not that that makes any difference.. And that's all.. Much better than my past days. Too bad fat couldn't vanish noticeably after a day.. |
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[Jul. 31st, 2008|11:45 am] |
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so it's about 11 47 and so far i've had some yogi peach detox tea. for some reason the taste of green tea now gives me a stomach ache. i use to drink 5 glasses a day. i'm obsessed with this new tea though, the taste reminds my of chai! today i think i am going to workout i need to get in the routine again.. i gained so much weight and my boyfriend gets annoyed about me complaining about it but i've been working out lately and i honestly haven't eaten that much besides the binges but i only have one. hopefully i didn't gain from last night... |
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[Jun. 30th, 2008|04:15 pm] |
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i hate this.. i don't like starving myself, i don't like that guilt feeling everytime i take a bite of food, feeling scared to even go downstairs cause i think that i will just end up bingeing. Looking at pictures of models or skinny girls and wonder why i just can't look like that? Trying to make up excuses and lying to people i love just so that ican be happy with myself and the way i look. But if i were to ever think about eating actual meals or eating how i use to, i couldn't even imagine. I hate myself right now. I blew it yesterday and blew it today. I feel like my body empowers my mind and body. I try so hard but i just give in everytime and i hate it. especially since i wouldn't make myself purge, i feel like working out wouldn't even do anything. It's so funny how many calories add up in just a few seconds and to work it all off it takes longer than you can even imagine. I am so upset with myself right now. I hate myself and feel horrible everytime i even take a bite of anything. I don't even want my own boyfriend who i have almost been with for a year to see my body. i don't want anyone to as a matter of fact.. |
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